The strangest bedfellow

I can only shake my head in wonderment at how I ended up on the mailing list for the Environmental Defense Fund. But I did and they wanted me to send a message to the next President about what I wanted him to do in his first 100 days. And what, pray tell, would that be? Let me fill you in:

In George W. Bush’s first 100 days in office, he refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol and put forth a policy favoring increased exploration for fossil fuels and rapid construction of new power plants, rather than exploring conservation and sustainable power generation.  Actions like these, put out so early in his administration, set the tone for eight environmentally destructive years.

As you may be the next President, I am writing to ask you to differentiate yourself from Bush’s policies of the past, and accomplish the following during your first 100 days in office:

1. Introduce legislation to cap global warming pollution.
2. Commit to creating new incentives to unleash energy innovation and build the green jobs sector.
3. Invest in public transportation alternatives to help Americans drive less.
4. Support alliances of industry, environmentalists, and landowners to protect endangered wildlife.
5. Take on the overfishing crisis through new economic incentives for fisherfolk.

By accomplishing these 5 tasks, you will be setting the stage for an environmentally protective administration, and taking the first steps toward undoing the damage the past 8 years have caused.  I urge you to implement this To-Do List within your first 100 days in office.

Once I stopped laughing, I realized that, gee, one could have a LOT of fun with this editable form letter. The only problem is whether the EDF sees it before they send it and can stop it.

Instead, I simply came up with five better suggestions. You can take them as you may. Hell, sign my name to it and send it on in.

In George W. Bush’s first 100 days in office, he refused to fire any of those environmentalist hacks that plague the lower reaches of government and only put forth a policy favoring increased exploration for fossil fuels in his final year, finally ending his father’s prohibitions on offshore drilling. It’s unfortunate that actions like those wanted by the radical environmentalists may yet set the tone for eight economically destructive years if the wrong candidates are elected.

As you may be the next President, I am writing to ask you to differentiate yourself from failed policies of the past, and accomplish the following during your first 100 days in office:

1. Introduce legislation to eliminate the ban on offshore drilling once and for all.
2. Commit to creating new incentives to energy companies to allow them to create jobs.
3. Invest in better transportation infrastructure to help Americans spend less time being stuck in traffic.
4. Support landowners and protect their private property rights from overbearing government regulation.
5. Take on the overfishing crisis through eating more chicken – it tastes better anyway and supports our local economy.

By accomplishing these 5 tasks, you will be setting the stage for an outstanding administration, and taking the first steps toward undoing the damage the environmentalist wackos have caused.  I urge you to implement this To-Do List within your first 100 days in office.

Sincerely,

Michael Swartz

www.monoblogue.us

Maybe they’ll vet their mailing lists a little better next time!

Sorry, since I don’t sponge off donations like the EDF does, I can’t offer you a gift for sending this in like they do. But who needs another travel mug or tote anyway?

Author: Michael

It's me from my laptop computer.

4 thoughts on “The strangest bedfellow”

  1. Michael,
    You can laugh it off, but the guy you are going to vote for, McCain, agrees with this. So whether you send them money or not, the next occupant of the White House will be addressing these issues.

  2. Speaking of strange bedfellows, I just got a letter from the MD Republicans (clearly my anonymity is working, though I am a registered Democrat), asking me to use my absentee ballot to vote for the Republican ticket. It says in bold face, “Senator McCain, governor Palin, and Andy Harris bring the maverick leadership our country needs to prosper in the future.” That is a riot! They are goin’ to get all mavericky in here! Alas, Final Frontier will not be votin’ fer Palin or that old guy whats his name with her. Seriously, though, Michael–I don’t know what kind of pull you have with the MD Republican party, but you might want to point out to them that after SNL skewered the whole “mavericky” thing, you just look stupid trying to use the word maverick as a positive.

  3. I will have to laugh it off because unless Sarah smacks a little common sense into Senator McCain you may be right. It’s a sad state of affairs to be sure when evidence has shown that we as humans aren’t warming the climate, as global temperatures have dropped over the last decade.

    As for the second comment, you may be a “soft” Democrat, as in doesn’t vote in primaries often, or were registered as nonaffiliated recently. I’m all for outreach myself so you should be pleased that we belied our reputation and didn’t try to suppress your vote.

    And since the media strategy over the last three weeks is likely already set in stone, if we’re mavericks I guess we stay that way. Oh well. I’m not so sure all that many swing voters watch SNL anyway.

  4. Nope–I’ve been a Democrat all my life (though I occasionally vote for Repubs like Gilchrest), gave money to Hillary and Obama. I’m just busting your chops and making fun of the “maverick” thing because it is so silly–I’m sure they just got a hold of the list of people applying for absentee ballots and sent the note to everyone.

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